Today I am at the cancer center for a six hour iron infusion. I will sit in a chair, hooked up to iv with iron pumping into my body. This will give me a little bit of energy for a little while. This is my reality with chronic illness. Most days when I go out into the public I make an effort to look my best, makeup to cover the dark circles under my eyes, hair straightened and sprayed into place, a smile on my face, covering up the ravage that my illness has done to my body. No one would guess just by looking at me that I have been bedridden for weeks, that the pain that I have on a day to day basis might put a normal healthy person into the fetal position and these are my “good” days. Today. I am sharing the real me. Reality of chronic illness.
Attitude of Gratitude
For changes to happen in our life, we have to decide to change. If we wait for something to shift and change on its own we might find ourselves disappointed when nothing changes. In order to make a switch we must make a decision for change. If we practice being proactive to change, we switch our mindsets. When our mindsets change we change our circumstances.
Let me get real honest right now, if I looked at the big picture of the last 3 years, I might find myself getting overwhelmed. Instead my way of handling things is by taking things a little at a time. The last couple of weeks, I have spent some time at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville. I have undergone various tests and the doctors have a few new diagnosis for my stomach troubles that I have been having because of mixed connective tissue disorder. I finally have an answer as to what is going on with my stomach. Yesterday, I met with a surgical physician, thinking that I was going to end up having an open surgery on my abdomen, when the physician did an exam and found that I have a floating rib that is impinging a nerve. The doctor suggested a nerve block to help with the pain in my side. Although it will not take care of all of my stomach issues, it is one step closer to having less pain. I believe that God was a big part of this, and it wasn’t by chance that the physician found the problem.
I can’t say that I don’t ever start to lose hope, because the feelings of hopelessness does come over me at times, I just choose not to stay there. I have had to face many scary health diagnosis over the last three years and I have had a few brushes with death but even through all of that I try really hard to keep my head up. I know who is in control of my life, I know God is on my side and I know that He can use these doctors to help get my quality of life back. I can’t put all of my hope in the Mayo Clinic and the doctors but God has opened the doors for me to get the care I need. I know that God can work through the physicians to help me and I have complete faith that he will provide answers and the healing that I need. Sickness is not from God, it is a product of this world. I’m going to follow God because He knows how my healing is going to come.
The Bible says that faith is not seeing, it is believing, I choose to live that path.