The odds have been against me for most of my life. From the very start, I was born into a dysfunctional family, born to parents that couldn’t take care of themselves let alone children. Parents that were mentally unstable, a result of their own dysfunctional past. I lived through sexual, mental, and physical abuse for the first nine years of my life from the people who I should have trusted first and with my life. Then, the next eight years I experienced a greater hell than the first nine. The scars from those abuses have haunted me for years.
I believe child abuse takes its toll on the body. I believe the body, mind, and spirit pay for the past abuse in ways I never imagined. Now, I see that the odds were stacked against me because now I live with a disease that has ravaged my body on the inside. I suffer from mixed connective tissue disorder, an autoimmune disease that manifests itself in many different forms that attack you from the inside. Although my illness isn’t apparent on the outside, it is creating havoc inside my body.
Although the odds have been against me so many times, I am a fighter and a survivor. Every single day of my life, I wake up knowing that today is brand new day and no matter what I might have felt like yesterday, it doesn’t have any bearing on how I will feel today. I mentally fight against my past and my illness every day, after all, I believe that healing begins in my spirit, then in my mind, lastly in my body. I must mentally decide on how much I will allow the things that come at me each day control me.
Aside from the odds, I know that I have a purpose in this life. No matter the terrible things that have come my way, I choose to put myself out there in the world, to people I may never meet, hoping that I will give someone enough strength to hang on for a little while longer. My quest and my goal are to touch someone for Jesus. He is my strength and a very present help in time of trouble.
(Psalms 46: 1)
#metoo #survivor #purpose # chronic illness