We all want to be strong but what if being strong means first you have to be weak? What if being strong means you will need someone to help you be strong? What if becoming strong means being vulnerable and trusting someone!
This past week I had some tests at Mayo Clinic that revealed new conditions that are linked to my Lupus disease that I wasn’t quite ready to hear. I may be facing several surgeries for serious unexpected findings. I am not saying that I am not afraid, I am not saying that I am not praying for a miracle, what I am saying is that I trust God and even if this ends up in a way that I don’t want, He is still all I have!
Trusting God is being vulnerable to Him, it’s unconditional, it’s trusting Him in whatever He does, it’s ok, even if it’s NOT what we want.
Needing to be strong means letting someone, that includes God, to help you be strong even if it means becoming weak soomeone can or God can help you be strong. The best thing I ever did was learn to be weak with God, so that he could make me strong. I know that He is all that I have!
Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12: 9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Stop fighting, stop flexing your mental muscles and admit your weaknesses. Then God will be your strength.
Last weekend Florida was faced with the biggest storm we could imagine. It was bigger than the entire state, and I was sure that my home state of Florida would be wiped off the map. Then, at the last moment, the storm that was a category 5 went to a category 1. Although, the storm claimed precious lives and many have lost their homes, created flooding and massive devastation, and so many have lost power for days, I still recognize that it could have been worse than it was.
My heart breaks for those who have suffered and for the millions who are still suffering from the affects of the storm.
It’s not easy to face a big storm coming in. You know it’s going to hit but exactly where and how hard is the question. Nobody really knows, as we all saw watching the weather channel. But I have seen through the humanitarian efforts in Texas and Florida, God still moves in hearts and in people’s lives. Neighbors come together and strangers reach out to help someone else when they are suffering the affects as well.
If I have learned one thing in my life, it’s that there are going to be storms that come, and knowing that, I have to be prepared but I can’t waste my time just waiting for the next one to hit. I have to live my life and put my mark on this earth.
There are going to be unknowns in life, just like the past Hurricanes but at the end of the day God has a plan. Maybe for some it’s a change.
This week as I think about things unfolding in my own life, I have so many unknowns right now. I know in my heart that the best thing that I can do is allow God to take control, even if it looks like it’s going to be a disaster. God can change it all with one swift wave of his hand, if I just trust in him.
Brain fog is something that a lot of people with Lupus struggle with and we have to do the best we can to work through it. People that we deal with on a day to day basis don’t quite understand what this feels like. They mean well, when they complete our sentences, but that only rushes us to think what we are trying to say. We see the impatient look on their faces waiting for us to get the words out and it further complicates our thinking process. It kind of makes us not want to communicate at all sometimes. Because of the brain fog, putting a sentence together can be difficult. We frantically try to search for the one word that we have used a million times but we can’t think of it in mid-sentence. It’s like trying to reach something in the dark. For me personally, I have lost a lot of control over many things in my life because of Lupus, this brain fog is just another stumbling block. In many cases I can’t control my cognitive thinking.
I have an impeccable long-term memory but my short-term memory has become severally hampered because of Lupus. I ask the same questions over and over again, not knowing I had already asked the same questions several times before. I can’t remember small things any more. Sometimes, I cannot even remember what day of the week it is, much less the year.
Although I wouldn’t wish a chronic illness on anyone, I think my illness has given me a different perspective on some things in life. It’s made me appreciate the little things that I used to take for granted like getting up and going to work,driving and walking around the grocery store or even to the gym. I used to have the ability to work with my hands,the ability to get up and go whenever I pleased. However, because of Lupus, freedom to do as I please has been drastically reduced. I know that giving up is not an option for me, I have to continue to try and think things through regardless of the someone else’s lack of patience with me. I need to push through to remember things even if it takes me a little longer. I am an over-comer and I will fight this with all I have.