God didn’t make me sick!
My plans do not always line up with God’s plans. I never pictured my life to be consumed with Lupus at thirty eight. The picture in my mind of how my life would play out didn’t include illness or troubles. We all have visions of our own future and how we expect our life to evolve. The stumbling blocks in our life never seem self-evident.
Right now, I have a stomach that is paralyzed, it’s called gastroparesis. I have Lupus, heart issues and nervous system problems. I don’t know what God’s plan is right now but no matter what God is doing right now, even if, I feel that sometimes I have received the short end of the stick, I can’t be mad. Life isn’t always fair, and it’s not always easy. That’s where people get caught up with blaming God. They blame him for all of the bad stuff. God allows things to happen and sometimes we don’t understand why, but that doesn’t mean He is against me and doesn’t mean He is not concerned. he loves me and I know it. Even now though I may be suffering He is still speaking, still leading me, still using me to help others. .
Of course, I want healing but even if he doesn’t heal me physically, it’s ok. I am still here, right now. For as long as I am here, all I can do is make the best of it. Even if I wasn’t sick, I should be doing that, being sick has just made me more aware. Maybe my illness is a platform to help somebody else know him. Maybe I don’t have another 50 years, who knows, I may have one year or one day but no matter the time I have left here I have to make the best of what I have.
I believe that God is always moving. I believe that God has a plan just for me, plans for me to prosper, he has my best interest in mind. It is God who gives me hope and a future. He had my life planned out before I was even a thought in my mother’s mind. He has never left me alone, even the times I wasn’t walking with him.